the Only

he is the Only
the Only one
he is the Only one that has
that Something

that Something, there in his walk
Never have noticed before
the way a man carries his Soul around
until now
it’s Something like an understood confidence
Something like a cool kind of wisdom
a cool that warms me

that Something is there in his eyes
I Never have seen that before
Never have seen that anywhere
in his eyes there is Something like knowing
Something like a light
always dawning on me

that Something in his arms, his embrace
Never have felt that before
Never in the whole of my life
it is Something like hope that is real
Something like a gift
that opens me instead

that Something in his presence
that Something like impossible patience
it is Something like a puzzle Peace
it calms me though I don’t understand it

that Something
that Something about him
it is in his heart
it is in the whole Soul of him
it is Something like beginning
Something like together
Something like a day
and a night
it is Something like a week
or a month
or a year
or a lifetime
it is Something like time after time
it is Something like Love

and seeing it there
and feeling it there
and sleeping and waking and being
there
Something happens in me
Something lights up in me
Something fills up with hope in me
Something is stronger in me
Something is peaceful in me
and my whole Soul knows
he is
the Only
he is the Only one

the Moon and her Shadows

I am like the Moon, said the girl
said the willow tall girl to the heavens
I am like the Moon

I am like the Moon, she said
to the star that fell from its home
to the star that fell down
and down
to the star that wanted to be
like the Sun

Stardust! I am like the moon now! I am like the moon!
I have learned to dance slowly
in shadows
I have learned to stay here in my place
I have learned not to fall down into darkness
I have learned
I have learned

I have learned that a woman
will burn herself out
if she tries to shine light
or cast shadows

Let the man
be the Sun

Let him shine
for you
casting shadows
to dance in at night

Let the man
burn bright
absorb his light
he will come looking
to find it again

Let him follow you
across the sky

And let him find you
in the cool of the night
dancing in your mysterious sky
absorbing
reflecting
giving him back
his light
made more beautiful
by your embrace
perfected
by your reflection
but still
and always
his own

Morning!

Oh palette day
oh beautiful blank
slate
wiped clean by
the darkness of
night

Oh beautiful fresh
beginning again
and
again
returned
again
and
again
oh beautiful
fresh
beginning
again

Palette day
with your colors
yet un
un painted
un marred
un smeared
un begun
inside the lines
outside of
the box
against
the grain
with the flow
I’ll go
where I’ll go
where
I’ll go
with this
beautiful fresh
beginning
again

Oh beautiful palette
Oh beautiful day
Oh let’s
PAINT!

Dandelion Night

when I was a little
girl
we used to love
dandelions
something so magical
about the whisper-soft parasols
floating floating
even when you blew so hard you
spit

fields
became birthday cakes
filled
with flower candles
so many wishes
wishes to make
in those
dandelion days
when I was a
girl

hold it in your hand
close your eyes and
blow!

there was something so sad
about the flowerless stem
left in my hand
something empty
about the skeletal uprooted remains
but I didn’t want to kill it
I only wanted
to blow it away

blow it away
let the parasols float
up and out
into the fields
full of wishes

but on that dandelion night
no longer a little girl
on that night when he
finally came home
I became
the dandelion

the sun never came out that day
it was drizzling when we moved in
still drizzling when he left
with the guys
return the moving truck and come back
he said
to help me unpack
he said

my little one had been sick
and I was eight months along
working together
he helped mommy unpack
until the storm turned the lights out
and he was
afraid
I dove into the sea of boxes in the dark cold house
trying to find a flashlight candle match lighter
umbrella
I could walk with my son to a store to buy a flashlight candle match lighter
but not enough lights or umbrellas and too much boxes and lightning
kept me there
in the cold dark
waiting

waiting
I called him
at the guys house
he hung up
after blaming
me
for the dark

he was right
on a larger scale
than he was ever capable
of knowing

I found a box
in the dark of my own doing
it had winter coats in it
I wrapped my son up and laid down with him
until he fell asleep
and the lights came back on

but I didn’t want to see

I don’t remember what I did
in the time between my child sleeping
and the storm coming inside
with him when
he finally
came home

I do remember the boxes on my bed
too heavy to risk lifting
I had a baby
to protect
no where to lie down
no where to rest
no where to rest
while waiting

I do remember praying
that God would
keep my baby
from the storm
inside my heart
from the dark of
my own doing
from my chosen life
of blindness and
waiting

What was it that I would not see?
What was it that I would not allow?

I could not see him there
I could not see him standing over me
I could not see what his drunken slurs were tearing apart in me
I could not see that gun
I could not see
that he didn’t want
to kill me
he only wanted to

blow me away

Hong Kong Coffee

Open wide your heart
your arms
open wide your arms
embrace me
hold me close
hold me tight
hold me close
in your wide
in your wide
and open
heart

I can hear you
love
in his voice
I can hear you
he loves me
he loves me
from a coffee shop
in Hong Kong
he loves me
across the wide
across the wide
across the wide
world

Perspective

from where I stood
you tried to break
and break
and break me

but I was too
I was too…
rigid
protected
resistant
demanding
controlling

I was too
unbreakable

for my own good

and my own good
is what I didn’t know
from there
from where I stood

you tried
you tried
to love me
but your own good
wouldn’t let you
so you began
to break away
and that breaking away
that breaking away…
that slow and steady pain
of my own resistance
holding on so tightly
I breathed you in and refused to
let you go
a prisoner in my heart
I would have kept you locked away
but you were too
you were too
unchainable
unhaveable
unbendable
un…
mine

you were all of those
for your own good

and I broke myself open
fighting against
my own good
and yours

from where I stand now
what I didn’t know
about being broken
about being broken open
is filling me to overflowing
with my own good