Perspective
from where I stood
you tried to break
and break
and break me
but I was too
I was too…
rigid
protected
resistant
demanding
controlling
I was too
unbreakable
for my own good
and my own good
is what I didn’t know
from there
from where I stood
you tried
you tried
to love me
but your own good
wouldn’t let you
so you began
to break away
and that breaking away
that breaking away…
that slow and steady pain
of my own resistance
holding on so tightly
I breathed you in and refused to
let you go
a prisoner in my heart
I would have kept you locked away
but you were too
you were too
unchainable
unhaveable
unbendable
un…
mine
you were all of those
for your own good
and I broke myself open
fighting against
my own good
and yours
from where I stand now
what I didn’t know
about being broken
about being broken open
is filling me to overflowing
with my own good
To rest…
So it’s not like being swept off my feet… it’s more like I’ve put the broom back in the broom closet forever and I’ve gone out to lay in the grass and gaze up at the sky. My heart has fallen silent and peaceful.
This is a new place I’ve discovered. This is a new restful plateau. I’ve not been here before. I think I saw this place from above once and I couldn’t figure out how to get down to it. I was in the clouds and they kept blocking the view of this magical place I am in.
And he is not just holding my hand. His hand is like peace that has been placed on my heart. I can rest in him. My mind can rest. My heart can rest.
He is not a question. There is no question to ask. He is the answer… and the answer is “Everything is just right, darling.”
It doesn’t feel like being swept off my feet… it feels more like I was a kite that turned into a girl. No more winds will blow me away into the emotion of a cloudy sky. Instead, I am laying on the grass, with his hand on my heart, making bunny shapes out of the clouds that used to get in my way.
On my Birthday Eve…
The years are like shadows
like gifts
from the sun
time falls across
you casting shadows
at your feet
like the present
you can’t return
once the shadow is cast
there it is
once the year has past
there it is
the only thing to change
is your perspective
facing the future
the shadows fall behind you
and you cannot see how they stretch
to your last known horizon
facing what has past
the shadows darken the path
and you cannot clearly see
the safest place
to take that step
but no
we dare not tread
within those shadows
of our past
they are dark and meant only
to show us where we have been
they are a mark
of those lessons we have already
carried
turn again to the future
and your shadow turns with you
it is a strange reflection of your every
moment
and like a sundial you cast your shadow
around the circumference of your every day
and in each moment
adjust your perspective
so you will step into the light
and not into your
dark
now go into this coming year
open wide your heart
your mind
let the future cast it’s light
on all the new places and people and
possibilities
your shadow has yet to embrace
and Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday
dear friend
Love be a Lion
Love be a lion
don’t be a mouse
Love growl and prowl and snarl
do not scurry and hide
Threaten to devour and encompass me
beat my heart hard like a crazed native drummer
make your eyes gleam with the rhythm of me
Love be a lion
make me fear for my life
make me fear for a life
without
you
Hope
when you hug a girl with a broken heart
you need hope
to help you hold her
when you look into her eyes and you still see sadness there
you need hope
to light your smile
when you hold out your hand
but she’s scared to let go of the one thing she’s clinging to…
hope can convince her
to take a chance
to take a chance
again
you will plant kind words
where broken promises lie bleeding
and one day
hope will turn her heart into a garden
you will plant kisses
to paint her with happiness
and one day
hope will kiss you back
then day by day
moment by moment
your hope and hers
will turn hugs and smiles and touches and words
and kisses…
into love
the Bird and the Bee and Bonnie and Me
A bird sang to me today. He rapped. Each line different from the last. He experimented with harmony. He wasn’t very good. But he was entertaining. Bonnie and I sat there, side by side… me on my rock, her on her haunches. If I had haunches, I would still sit on the rock, because I’m the boss. I’m the top dog. At least in my own back yard. Bonnie and I sat there and listened to our rapping Rez bird. Until the bee showed up. The bee heckled our bird, and he kind of hopped up, taken aback, made a “what the heck” face, and then flew away. He ditched, mid-stanza.
So much for the song. Sometimes I guess it’s just not meant to… bee.