Perspective

from where I stood
you tried to break
and break
and break me

but I was too
I was too…
rigid
protected
resistant
demanding
controlling

I was too
unbreakable

for my own good

and my own good
is what I didn’t know
from there
from where I stood

you tried
you tried
to love me
but your own good
wouldn’t let you
so you began
to break away
and that breaking away
that breaking away…
that slow and steady pain
of my own resistance
holding on so tightly
I breathed you in and refused to
let you go
a prisoner in my heart
I would have kept you locked away
but you were too
you were too
unchainable
unhaveable
unbendable
un…
mine

you were all of those
for your own good

and I broke myself open
fighting against
my own good
and yours

from where I stand now
what I didn’t know
about being broken
about being broken open
is filling me to overflowing
with my own good

To rest…

So it’s not like being swept off my feet… it’s more like I’ve put the broom back in the broom closet forever and I’ve gone out to lay in the grass and gaze up at the sky. My heart has fallen silent and peaceful.

This is a new place I’ve discovered. This is a new restful plateau. I’ve not been here before. I think I saw this place from above once and I couldn’t figure out how to get down to it. I was in the clouds and they kept blocking the view of this magical place I am in.

And he is not just holding my hand. His hand is like peace that has been placed on my heart. I can rest in him. My mind can rest. My heart can rest.

He is not a question. There is no question to ask. He is the answer… and the answer is “Everything is just right, darling.”

It doesn’t feel like being swept off my feet… it feels more like I was a kite that turned into a girl. No more winds will blow me away into the emotion of a cloudy sky. Instead, I am laying on the grass, with his hand on my heart, making bunny shapes out of the clouds that used to get in my way.

Love be a Lion

Love be a lion
don’t be a mouse

Love growl and prowl and snarl
do not scurry and hide

Threaten to devour and encompass me
beat my heart hard like a crazed native drummer
make your eyes gleam with the rhythm of me

Love be a lion
make me fear for my life
make me fear for a life
without
you

Magician

I open up my fingers, my hands
and he doesn’t fall through
he was already
walking away

I guess I never did
need to let go
I was only ever
holding
illusion
and he never held on at all

in the beginning
it seemed as though
he were walking straight
to me

his eyes
his words
his reach
for me

but no matter how many times
he stepped toward me
he just kept getting further
away

and now
just now
I see it

from that very first step
in my direction
he was already
walking away
from the very first proclamation
of love
the future was blooming
in black
blooming along the path
that path that goes
in the only direction he knows

he only knows
the direction to go
to get
away

Where have you been all my…
All of your what?
Your ironic existence
spent waiting
only to disregard what you wasted all that time waiting for?

you
a sad magician
moonwalking backward
toward happiness

this
your grand illusion
and now I see

you were always, are always
walking away from
and never
walking to

Thin As They Are

thin is the paper that holds these words about love
and thinner still that strains under the heavier words of trust
this paper almost transparent
a veil
actions and in-actions shine right through
and I can see
how the ink bleeds

on the back
one blot
a bird
some stranger
a crow
singular
uncaring
a taker

this can’t be you
these words could not
bleed out this
truth

I look to the window
a soft breeze is blowing
there is the sweet smell of rain
and something
new

a wind might come
sweet and soft
and blow
these papers away
they would lift up so easily
thin as they are

and I will let them
go