Fallowed Heart

the rock hard
the rock hard
my heart

your words
sharp and true
your words
a seed meant for me
a seed that would be planted
a seed that wants to grow
a seed that is bursting
with the essence of
and all the ever afters
I have ever ever
hoped for

that seed
on the rock hard

how can I till my
rock hard

how can I break this
fallowed ground
gone bad?

what does it take to soften
this rock hard?

how can I rain on it?
how can I till a stone?
must I work at it alone?

your words
your beautiful sharp true words
genuine golden
lay strewn upon
the rock hard

I must hurry
I must hurry so
your words don’t waste away

I want your love to grow
like a tree
but this is no ground for growing
this is no ground for a living thing
this is the rock hard place
this is the rock hard
my heart

This Distance

when I feel that distance
this distance between us
I just look up and I see our fingers intertwined over my shoulder
and you whirl me around
closing the distance between us
with a dance

this dance
this dance that pulls me in close to you
just when I feel more than an arm’s length away
you pull me in and show me
what the distance is for

it’s for feeling that pull
it’s for feeling your arms encircle me
it’s for feeling you all around me
strong and there
and here for me

back to front
your hands on my hips
we sway
feel your heart thumping on my shoulder blade
you are here
so close to me
we sway
we sway
to the back and forth
the pull
and the push

chest to chest
your hand on my shoulder
my hand on your heart
we rock
fingers trickle down my back
and it’s those
those tender moments
that I come back for
when I am more than an arm’s length

and I know
if I couldn’t feel the distance
I wouldn’t know
what this closeness is for

My heart.

I took my feet off the pedals but I was cranking them so hard, they’re still whirring. I can’t build up the velocity for my body to catch up with my heart. It’s spinning out of my chest. It’s spinning upward and away and I’ll never catch it. I’ll never catch it.

Why can’t my heart just float out, almost out, but always within grasp like theirs do? They don’t understand why I spin so hard, why I always look exhausted and not happy and floaty. It got away again. And I just have to wait for it to come back. It’s sad, the waiting.

They judge me because I don’t have a heart. Sometimes it feels like it’s running away when it goes. At first it’s so happy and so beating and so bright. Painfully bright and then beating so hard and it can’t be contained and it just… it just… goes. I can’t hold on.

And here he comes, to stand there and smile. His heart is there too. He looks happy and peaceful and he’s there and his heart. His heart is there too.

He’s raining on me with his words again. Like the mountainside and the tiny little flowers that grow against the rock. Only the gentlest of rain should fall on them. And his words are rain like that.

My wheels have stopped their spinning. In the stillness, I can hear myself breathing and my heart. My heart. My heart is here too.